Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
