you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
