OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
