I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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