her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
