I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
