You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
