Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
