**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
