At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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