Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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