I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
