Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
