those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
