do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
