Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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