called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You need Xanax blowdarts
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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