She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
