My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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