I would go down on you faster than GM stock
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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