I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
