i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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