I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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