He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
