you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
