I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
