hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
