I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
