porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
