Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
