You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
