Pappa wants mamma naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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