remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
