You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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