I cannot find my penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
