At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
