a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am naked and annoyed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
