soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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