so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
