People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
