They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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