I seem to have left my pride at pride
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
