I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
