Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
