Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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