Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
