so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
