tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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