My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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