I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
