i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
