There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
