I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
