cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
