I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
