i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
