its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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