oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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