Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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