But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im holly from the hills drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
