BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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