We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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