Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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