well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
