I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
