just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
then he tried to convert me to islam
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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