he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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