Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
