I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
