I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
