alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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