i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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