He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
