I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
