Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
