why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
