Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
